Sarah's Thoughts

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Utahisms


Generally Utahisms are funny things that people say here, either due to the culture or the accent (yes Utahns have accents).
The accent makes them sound like this:
"I was barn in a carn feld in Saint Jarge and I live in the farty-farth ward." Also the guttural stops that replace consonants: Mou'ain, sa'wich.
"Culture" ones can be things like:
"Fer cu-ute"- how cute, or "Fer ignern't"- how rude (?). Also "sweet spirit"- the best thing he/she has to offer is a sweet spirit, pretty much means ugly.

But of course, you know you've spent too long living in or are from Utah when. . .

Green jell-o with carrot shreds mixed in doesn't seem strange.

You can pronounce Tooele. (you know you're in Tooele when there are cattle guards at the driveway to the church, the gas station, and the high school)

The U is not just a letter - Neither is the Y.

You have actually eaten funeral potatoes.

You've gotten both heat and frost burns off your car's door handle in the same month.

You are not surprised to hear words like "Darn, Fetch, Flip", "Oh, My Heck" and "Shootdang". (and in cases of extreme disgust/surprise/etc: Oh my freakin' heck")

Hunting season is a school holiday.

The largest liquor store is the state government.

30% humidity is muggy and almost unbearable.

Somewhere in your family tree is a polygamist.

You know the difference between a 'Steak House' and a 'Stake House'.

The elevation exceeds the population

You have a bumper sticker that says "Families are Forever." (or even worse a license plate frame that says "RULDS2?")

You were an aunt or uncle before you were three.

Your spouse's mother was pregnant at your wedding.

You have more children than you can find biblical names for.

Your first child was conceived on your honeymoon.

hurricane isn't something you worry about coming, it's a city, and it's pronounced "Hurecun"

You feel guilty when you watch Monday Night Football.

Your kids believe the deer hunt is a national holiday.

You drink Coca Cola from a brown paper bag.

You wonder why fire truck drivers honk when you drive 35 mph in the left lane on the freeway.

There is a similarity between a church basketball game and the L.A. riots.

You think Jack Daniels is a country western singer.

You can make Jell-O salad without the recipe.

You've heard about BYU football over the pulpit at church on Sunday.

You have two gallons of ice cream in your freezer at all times, in case of emergency.

Your father-in-law thinks Ronald Reagan was a liberal.

A member of your family wrote in Lavell Edwards for president in the last election.

Cars in the slow lane are traveling the fastest; cars in the fast lane are traveling the slowest; cars in the middle lanes are always trying to exit, and the turn signal tells other drivers to speed up.

Sandals are the best-selling shoes, and are often worn with socks.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic."

You learn about the Mormon Church by taking history in elementary school.

You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.

You're on your own if you are turning left.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Beer drinkers don't shop on Sunday.

Every driveway has a minivan and a pickup truck.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.

Your paycheck has an additional 10 percent deduction.

"Temple recommend" is acceptable identification for cashing a check.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.

Your neighbors complain about where they live, yet refuse to return to the state they moved from.

You make a toast with red punch at your wedding reception.

You have more raw wheat stored than some Third World countries. (As well as a year's supply of TP ready to be raided by any willing youngster)

Your idea of a wild party is a six pack of Pepsi and a PG-13 movie.

You think "You're an 8 cow wife" is a compliment.

4 Comments:

  • Sarah, I caught you on Dave Barry and thought I would check out your blog.
    I am not Mormon, nor do I live in Utah, but I lived in Layton for about 4 years in the mid 70s. When we left, I had just turned 13.
    Amazingly enough, alot of the things in your Utahisns rang true then as well.
    My father was a Marine Corp recruiter out of Ogden. I can remember when he and the other recruiters were invited to the Stakehouse. They were EXTREMELY excited at the idea of a steak dinner. Still gets laughs at home today!
    I still remember the first day of hunting season, and looking forward to having that day off of school.
    Thanks for the memories!

    By Anonymous charlotte, at 7:08 AM, February 03, 2006  

  • Sarah, these are wonderful! And it explains why my youngest brother-in-law talks the way he does. He is the only one of the kids who was born in Utah. I don't think he's Morman, but my husband, the oldest kid, is.

    And we have a couple years' worth of wheat, rice, beans, and flour stored in our shed. We buy enough toilet paper to last a year.

    Please continue writing! I'm enjoying it.

    By Blogger rita, at 10:14 AM, February 03, 2006  

  • Green jell-o with carrot shreds mixed in doesn't seem strange.

    You might also be from Minnesota if this is true.

    By Anonymous Bismuth, at 10:55 PM, February 06, 2006  

  • My piano teacher's husband told me a story once about how a Mormon girl asked him to go to a dance and the stakehouse on New Year's Eve. As a 16 year old boy he was sure excited for steak and dancing. He was disappointed when all they served was red punch (spiked with Pepsi, no doubt) and cookies!

    By Blogger Sarah J, at 11:14 PM, February 06, 2006  

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